About Jen

So, who is Jen, exactly?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Gospel According to Lancelot


God likes to teach me lessons in interesting ways. I don't know about you, but I need to see something to understand it. Reading about it doesn't work, listening to someone else talk about it doesn't work, but if you show me what you want me to know, then I'll finally get it.

God used my son the other night to teach me something. I think I shall call the lessons I learn from this little boy "The Gospel According to Lancelot." (Is that sacreligious in any way? I hope not...)

Lancelot was trying to crawl, as seen in the above photo. He's figured out that he needs to move his arms and his legs, but he hasn't figured out how to coordinate those movements in order to propel himself forward. Sometimes he pivots around on his tummy to where he's facing a different direction, but he doesn't actually go anywhere. Last night, I had him on his tummy on the carpet. I sat on the floor in front of him and I put his little duck rattle on the floor, just out of his reach.

He was gazing at the duck rattle intently, determined that he would get it.

He squirmed. He wiggled. He flailed. And yet he got nowhere.

He looked up at me as if to say, "Mommy, can't you bring it closer?"

I didn't. I told him, "You can do it, son. Keep trying."

He kept trying, but still didn't make it. He gave it a darn good try, though. I would have lost patience way before he did.

I watched him struggle to get that duck rattle, and it hit me that we are often like a baby who is desperately trying to get somewhere but just can't quite make it without the help of Mommy or Daddy. God watches us as we learn to move our arms and legs to get where we need to go. He lets us suffer a bit, and he may even let us whimper and whine in consternation.

But after awhile, one of two things will happen:

1. We'll figure out how to get to the rattle, though it may take more time than we'd like and more struggling than we're comfortable with.

2. God will lift us up from the ground, hold us in his lap, and hand us the rattle, and He will take great joy in seeing the happiness in our faces as we look up into His eyes with gratitude.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

On What I Should Be Doing Right Now

I should be cooking dinner, but I'm blogging.

I should be straightening up the house for our company arriving in the morning, but I'm blogging.

I should be washing out Lancelot's bottles so I can fill them and have enough for the night, but I'm blogging.

I should go settle Lancelot down because he's whimpering in his crib (I think the bear mobile probably stopped,) but I'm blogging.

(I was right. The bear mobile stopped. I turned it back on. Now I'll have at least 5 more minutes of quiet, and hopefully he'll fall asleep for his evening nap.)

I should call up my friend who lives in Tampa that I haven't seen since October, but I'm blogging.

I should call my grandmother. Her little cat passed away last night, but I'm blogging.

I have too much else to do to be sitting at the computer blogging. When I arrive at the Pearly Gates and my life is examined, I don't want this current hour burnt away as wheat and chaff.

Have a lovely evening, everyone. I have some important things to do with my time which will make a more lasting impression than blogging.

Not that blogging doesn't matter. It's fabulous.

But I have a grandmother to call, a meal to prepare for my family, and a home to make ready for a guest.

Those things win.

See you later!

Midnight Revelations


"One of the secrets to a happy marriage is remembering the source of our joy, which is not one another. The source of our joy is the Lord. Yes, we share tons of joyous moments, but we don't expect, let alone demand, endless joy-filled moments from each other. "
~ Liz Curtis Higgs ~
from the devotional: Rise and Shine
Good morning, everyone.

It's 2 A.M. and I can't sleep.

Hubby's fast asleep, Lancelot's fast asleep, I'm sure most of you are asleep, and yet my brain just won't shut up. Thoughts keep running through it, thoughts that demand my attention. These aren't the thoughts that float by peacefully, lulling the thinker into a deep, comfortable sleep. These are the thoughts which require close attention, analysis, and reflection.

So I stumbled into the office, logged into bloglines, and saw that Darlene had updated her blog. I received my copy of her book, The Mom Complex today (thanks for sending it out so quickly! Can't wait to devour it!) so I checked her blog out first, and I saw a wonderful post about the quote seen above. At the end of her post, she invites her readers to also write a post about the quote. Seeing as some of my attention-requiring, eyelid-opening thoughts were somewhat related, I thought I'd take a shot at it.

I have a husband who often gets frustrated. He gets frustrated for valid reasons, and most of the time I have nothing to do with it. However, I seem to have a problem. I take it personally when he's upset. It's a very bad problem. It might be something at work, something with one of his family members, financial worries, or any other matter of difficulty. I often experience these same emotions. I get upset when I open the fridge and there aren't any cold Cokes in there for me. When I make a business call, I despise being put on hold. I have no patience for calling customer service and find myself speaking with someone in another country who barely speaks English. I can justify my frustration and anger, yet I don't want my husband to feel those same things.

It doesn't make any sense.

When I read this quote, I realized that I had been expecting my husband to be my source of joy. Reading what Liz had to say was like God thumping me on the head. In a good way. It's simply unfair for me to expect my husband to be happy and smiling all the time. People get mad. They grunt and make noises. Sometimes papers get thrown across the room or a door gets slammed.

But that doesn't mean my husband is a bad person, and it certainly doesn't mean my marriage is in trouble, which is what I had convinced myself was happening.

I need to remember that God is my source of joy.

My husband may be my best friend and lover, but God is my Father and Lover of my soul.

My husband is my partner in life, but God is the author of my life.

My husband's snoring might keep me from sleeping, but when God needs to get my attention about something, He keeps me awake until I get it.

Thanks for the thump, God. I think I can get some rest now.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Beautiful Day for a Boatride


Sunday was just gorgeous.

A perfect day.

Blue skies, not too hot, not too humid.

Our friend has a boat.

This friend hadn't taken his boat out in several months.

We remedied that on Sunday.

At first, Lancelot didn't care to wear his little life jacket. It swallowed him up, and he looked a bit like the Michelin Man. He got used to it after awhile, and was fine.

We boated up and down our little section of the Intracoastal Waterway, just inside the eastern coast of Florida. (That's where all the millionaires and billionaires have their mansions where they don't actually live...) It was such a gorgeous day, that I think pretty much everyone who owned a boat or knew someone who owned a boat was out on their boats that day. See, pretty soon here in Florida it will get ridiculously hot. Then only people who are vacationing in Florida even dare to go outside. The locals very smartly stay in the air conditioning, where we won't shrivel up and/or melt.


Here's actually a picture of me with my son. Since I usually do the picture taking, there is an unfair ratio of pictures with Dad to pictures with Mom. I just whip out the camera and take a picture whenever the whim strikes me, but I must instruct my husband when I want a photograph with me in it. If only husbands could read our minds. Sigh.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Buyer's Remorse

I'm such a hypocrite.

I tell hubby, "We don't really need that right now...it'll just contribute to our credit card debt."

"If we stop using the credit cards, we could use the money we WERE spending to pay them off to set aside a down payment for a house..."

" WHY do you need that again?"

So then, I spend $15 here, $10 here, $40 here on stuff that I don't really need, but I rationalize it because it's on sale, because it's something for the baby, because I'm not wearing maternity clothes anymore and I really need that new dress.

Grr.

I went into my favorite store today and I had a coupon. Great, I thought. I can get something to wear for Lancelot's christening in two weeks.

Did I?

No. But I did get a tank top, two necklaces, and a dress to wear that'll look GREAT when we go out to dinner with friends tonight, but wouldn't really be appropriate for an infant baptism.

This isn't the exact dress I purchased, but it's in this same style. It's that pink color with a black print. I love it.

Should I take the stuff back?

It was on sale...

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Omnipotent Baby


I know all.

I see all.

I will use my knowledge against you.

When you are sitting down to enjoy your lunch, I will wake up from my nap screaming.

When you finally manage to sit down at the computer and catch up on some blogs, I will wake up from my nap screaming.

After you finish the laundry, do the dishes, and return phone calls and think you have a few minutes to crash on the couch and take a breather, I will wake up from my nap screaming.

When you are ready to go out the door to meet Damselfly at the mall, I'll fill up my diaper.

When you are halfway through your shower and you've just applied shampoo to your head, I will begin shrieking from my bouncy chair, causing you to leap out of the shower in utter fear of my discomfort.

When you want to take me for a walk in the stroller, I'll decide I don't like the stroller anymore, but only once you're twenty minutes away from the house and can't do anything about it until we get back home.

And when you sit down to feed me, I'll gaze into your eyes and make that little cooing sound you find so adorable, and your heart will melt.

And you'll forgive me for waking up from my nap screaming.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Baby/Time Continuum...

..."these are the voyages of the Starship Mommy...to explore new worlds, to boldly go where no woman has gone before..."

OK, I admit it. I'm a Trekkie.

I've never gone to a convention, never dressed as a Klingon, but I love love love watching re-runs of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Voyager, and Deep Space Nine.

I particularly like the episodes in which the crew members find themselves in a "temporal anomaly." In such occurrences, crew members get caught up in time loops, experiencing the same events again and again, or people/planets/species/worlds get wiped out from history and change the course of evolution, etc etc etc. Then of course our fearless crew solves the mystery and saves the galaxy.

I'm experiencing my own "temporal anomaly." With the advent of having a baby, a woman's concept of time is totally, utterly, changed. Instead of days passing in hours, days pass in burps, poos, and naps. Instead of weeks being marked by particular events, (Sunday we go to church, Monday we have band practice, Thursday we go out for burgers,) they are measured in inches of baby growth. Instead of months being measured in weeks, they are measured in developmental milestones.

While a day still has 24 hours in it, I seem not to get as much done. But that depends on how you look at it. I may not get the laundry finished and dinner cooked, but I've contributed to the physical, intellectual, and emotional development of a tiny little person. I'd say that's a pretty big accomplishment!

Lancelot was born on November 28th, 2006. How can it possibly be March already? And yet, how can it be that he hasn't been here forever?

It's a paradox. A temporal anomaly.

Can anyone truly conceive of the meaning of time? If you can, I'd love to be enlightened...


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Missed Milestones

I missed it.

My son rolled over for the first time, and I missed it.

Wah.

Hubby and I were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, getting ready to leave for a church function last night. Lancelot was having tummy time in the living room, in plain sight of us, and he chose the exact moment that both of us were looking the other direction to roll over onto his back.

Sneaky little kid.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Photo Tag!

Well, here ya go.

I've jumped on the bandwagon and added my own pregnant belly shot.

I was 28 weeks preggers in this here photo. Actually, you can't tell, but Damselfly was standing next to me in this photo. (I haven't had a chance to ask her yet for her permission to post a photo of her on my blog, so I took myself out. Damselfly, if you don't mind, I'll put the original shot up.) This was taken shortly before her Flybaby was born. While I look happy in this photo, I was actually quite jealous because while she was days away from her due date and I had three months to go, I looked WAY more pregnant than she did. (Some gals have all the luck. Hmph. Damselfly, I forgive you!! lol!)

Saturday, March 03, 2007

A Wee Bit of an Identity Crisis


*If you're here from the Ultimate Blog Party, Welcome! Click here for my introductory post.*

Having a baby has changed my world. In so many ways! It has made me re-learn and re-evaluate everything that used to be normal and predictable.

Including my identity.

3 months ago, I was part of a couple. Now I am part of a family.

3 months ago, I was a college student who happened to have a very large belly. Now I am not doing anything even remotely academic. (And the belly is shrinking by the week. Hallelujah!)

3 months ago, I was free as a bird. Now I have to make special arrangements far in advance if I want to go off and do something alone.

3 months ago, I didn't know the joy of having and loving a child. Now, my heart is so full it is overflowing!

3 months ago, I got to decide when to go to bed and when to wake up. Now, I can throw away the alarm clock because my child now decides these things for me.

3 months ago, I was easily bored. Now, I always have my own personal entertainment!

3 months ago, I didn't think there was anything special about a person being able to move their head. Now, as I watch my son lift his head when he is on his tummy, I praise him and cheer him as though he just won the Olympic Gold Medal in head-lifting!

3 months ago, I referred to myself as "(my real name)", "me" or "I." Now, I almost always refer to myself in the third-person as "Mommy."

So this leaves me in a bit of a conundrum. Am I still the person I was before? Well, yes. However, the meaning of "me" has taken on entirely new dimensions.

Do I long for the time when I can once again just grab my purse, jump in the car, and go? Sure. But if I did that, it would mean that my son wouldn't exist. (And in a few short years, I will once again have this freedom.)

Do I wish I could sleep late whenever I wanted to? Absolutely, but that would mean never getting to hold my son in my arms and give him his bottle. (When he's in school, he'll be able to turn on the TV on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons.)

While I am still the same person I once was, I sure feel different. Sometimes it's a good feeling, other times it's not so great.

When it doesn't feel so great, I look into the eyes of my 3-month old boy and he smiles at me.

Then, once again, all is right with the world and I am able to embrace the new "me."


Friday, March 02, 2007

Sweet, Sweet Slumber

He did it!

It's official!!

He slept all the way through the night.

As in, we put him to bed and he didn't wake up until the sun was out.

Praise God, Hallelujah!

Let's hope this continues!

It's a Party, Mommy-Style!


Hey, come on and join us over at the Ultimate Blog Party!! Join in too, and win a prize! Meet new friends! Get noticed! Let your hair down and have some FUN!

I've got a good party game. 20 Questions!! (Well, we'll make it ten to save space!)

1. Who are you?

I'm Guinevere Meadow. Well, that's not my real name, but it's a lovely pseudonym, wouldn't you agree?? I'll be 25 later this month. I am the wife of Hubby and the mommy of Lancelot. (Also not his real name.)

2. Who is Lancelot?

He is my 3-month old son, the love of my life, and the thorn in my side. Just kidding about the thorn part.

3. Why should I read this blog?

Why not?

4. What do you do in your spare time?

Spare what? I don't know what this is...lol!! In the few moments I find to myself, I enjoy reading, blogging, singing, playing games on our new Nintendo Wii, and watching episodes of Voyager that we've saved on our TiVO.

5. Who is Jesus Christ?

The Saviour of the World. The Son of God. The Lamb of God. The Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End. Wonderful counsellor, Almighty God and Everlasting Father.

6. Do you go to church?

Practically every time the doors are open, and sometimes when they're not. (We have a key. lol!)

7. What do you do there?

Other than attending services, I sing in a band called Renanah which does music for the Saturday night service, we socialize there, we eat there, we have picnics there, we join bible studies there, and we participate in an annual reenactment of Bethlehem.

8. What is your favorite color?

Red

9. What is your quest?

To find the Holy Grail of blogging.

10. What is the air-speed velocity of a laden swallow?

African or European?

For anyone who does not know the reference of the last three questions, I suggest you go rent a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It's frikkin' hilarious. (And it's great to quote one-liners at parties!! lol!)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Letter To My Son



My dear, sweet, small son,

Tomorrow you will be 3 months old! While on one hand it seems like you've been here forever, it also seems like just yesterday when I saw two pink lines on the pregnancy test.

Already you have doubled your birthweight, can hold objects, laugh and smile, and now you can start to pick your head up during "tummy time." These precious days pass so quickly!

I've taken a hundred photographs to remember the way you look.

I've shot hours of video footage to remember how you move and the way you sound.

But how can I bottle up the way I feel when I hold you close, rocking and singing your favorite lullabies?

How can I capture the fragrance of your skin and hair after your evening baths?

Is there a way to store the melting of my heart when you look up at me and smile?

Can I record the joy of cuddling a warm baby?

One day, you won't want to be held and rocked.

One day, you will be too big for your baby tub and you'll be taking showers.

One day, my kisses will embarrass you, and you won't like being called "Sweetie Pie Punkin' Bug."

I'd better enjoy these moments while I can, because one day you'll be all grown up and won't need your Mommy anymore.

But for now, I get to hold you, rock you, feed you, bathe you, giggle and smile at you, make funny faces at you, and laugh with you.

I can smother you in kisses and make silly baby sounds at you.

I love you, my son. More than you'll ever know.

Friday, February 23, 2007

First Hockey Game!

Last night, we got a taste of how the other half lives. (Crazy Bloggin' Canuck, you're not the only one! lol!)

We got to see a Florida Panther hockey game in box seats. For free.

Hubby works for a very large company. He is on the team that decides which computer software to purchase for the whole company. They have been regular customers of Symantec (formerly Norton.) Anyway, the Symantec guys wanted to express their appreciation to our guys, so they gave Hubby and his team tickets to watch the hockey game in their private box. It included free food, free drinks, and as you can see, visits from the Panther Ice Dancers.

We enjoyed our evening out very much. Lancelot was so good! I was a little nervous that people would scowl at us, bringing a baby into a private box like that, but everyone was so nice and friendly, and Lancelot just won everybody's hearts!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

They grow up so fast!!

*Sniffle, sniffle*

Can someone hand me a tissue, please?

Yesterday I had to pack away Lancelot's newborn baby clothes. Every single item of clothing had some memory attached to it: "This is what he wore on the day he first smiled!" "He wore this little hat the first time we took him to our Bible study." "These are the socks he always kicked off!" "This is the onesie he pooped all over..." etc etc etc.

I'm sure I shed a tear or two.

On the brighter side, this means he can now wear all the cute 3-month size clothes that he received as gifts at the baby shower. The adorable little rompers that have been hanging in the closet, just waiting for Lancelot to wear them! The blue-and-white striped little cap that used to come down over his eyes is now a perfect fit! The cute teddy bear t-shirt and short set I found at a garage sale months before he was born!

I think I'm going to make a point of photographing him in each outfit the first time he wears them, so I'll be able to remember how he looked in all his baby clothes without digging through a plastic tub. All I'll have to do is open the photo album!

It's amazing how little use he got out of the clothes. It made me realize how silly it is to pay big bucks for baby clothes. Some stuff he never even GOT to wear because it was mis-sized! The sleepers that are marked 3-6 months but which are too tight in the arms and legs. Stuff like that.

E-Bay and thrift stores, here I come!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Of Dexterity and Clumsiness

My motor skills have improved since having a baby.

I can do things one-handed. I can hold the baby, get a jug of milk out of the fridge, close the fridge door with my foot, pour a glass of milk, put the milk back in the fridge, and do all of this without dropping the baby.

That's incredible.

I can keep my balance while carrying Lancelot in his carseat, walking down the stairs with a diaper bag on one shoulder, a purse on the other, and keys in my hands.

Amazing!

And yet I trip over my shoes while walking to the bathroom. No baby in my arms, no diaper bag dangling from my shoulder.

I'm a dexterous clutz. I think I'll start a club. All mothers of infants are welcome to join.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Got Milk? (Or, "Ode to My Mammary Glands")

Relactate: (v) 1. The process of re-establishing one's milk supply

2. A desperate attempt at becoming a better mother


Well ladies, after 2 months of not nursing Lancelot, I have decided to try and trick my body into producing milk once again. See, after little Lancelot was born, we had a miserable time of it. Due to biological/physical factors on both our parts, recovering from surgery and a nasty case of post-partum depression, it was just a lot easier to switch to formula and forget the whole shabang.

Now, however, after some time has passed and we have settled into somewhat of a routine, I am confident that I would be able to breastfeed the little guy. I learned that women whose babies are under 4 months old and who had established a milk supply before are generally successful at getting the process started again.

It means lots of pumping. Lots. Pumping isn't so much fun to begin with, but when you're sitting at a machine tugging at your boobs for days on end and you're only managing to squeeze out a few drops, it gets kinda depressing! However, this morning I was able to get more than a few drops-- not much more, but they were of sufficient volume to drip down into the bottle! Woohoo! And that telltale breast tenderness of the early days has returned. Hope has been restored!

I have a specific goal, too. In about a month, we are taking a family Disney trip- me, hubby, Lancelot, my parents and sister, and hubby's sister-- and I so don't want to be lugging my Medela Pump-In-Style through the Magic Kingdom. Ducking into the bathrooms every two hours-- there's an attraction not mentioned in the brochure!! I suppose I could bring my Avent Isis hand pump. Imagine this: standing in line for Splash Mountain, pumping away. I've got my own splashing action going on!

So this week, I am taking a "nursing holiday." I will be staying home as much as possible, attaching the girls to their good friend Medela every two hours, and walking around in a nursing bra, trying to get Lancelot to latch on whenever he can/feels like it.

If I haven't seen progress by the end of the week, I may reevaluate my decision. There's only so much "dry pumping" one can take.

(It will be interesting to see the bizarre google searches that will turn up this blog in their results! lol!)

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Is there a method to the madness?

The subject of today's post is...naptime.



My sweet little Lancelot loves to sleep. A lot. At unpredictable times. I am so fortunate that he already sleeps 7 hours at night (hallelujah!!), but daytime napping is an entirely different story. One day, he took 6 30-minute naps. The next day, 3 45-minute naps. Yesterday, a 2 hour nap and a 3 hour nap. Some days he'll sleep 5 or 10 minutes off and on the whole day long!

The only discernable pattern thus far is for his first nap of the day. Generally, he'll wake up around 6:30-7:00am, be up for an hour, and then go down for a nap. Sometimes 20 minutes, yesterday for 2 1/2 more hours! So while I can't count on the length of his nap, I can usually count on him going down for a nap after an hour or so.

For the rest of the day, there's no telling what to expect.

I was wondering, do most babies eventually fall into a predictable napping pattern? If so, when does this take place? If I knew when he was going to nap, it would be so much easier to plan my day!

He's napping now, so I'm off to watch the rest of my Voyager episode off my TiVO, and to finish the pumping session that was so rudely interrupted. :)

Have a lovely day!

Friday, February 16, 2007

I'm Ba-Ack!

Greetings, Blogosphere!

I have returned from the land of new-mommyhood and am beginning to resume some of my previous activities, modified of course to accommodate a 2 1/2 month old baby.

Lancelot is, as you have noticed if you read the above sentence, 2 1/2 months old. He is laughing, cooing, holding up his head, and starting to reach for objects, and I am the happiest mommy on the face of the planet.



Then, he'll screw up his face, poke out his lower lip, and start wailing. Then I'm the most frustrated mommy on the face of the planet.

That's what is so interesting about motherhood-- it is the happiest of times, and it is the aggravating-est of times.

Can I get an amen?

Fortunately, I am not alone in my new journey. Damselfly has helped me out a great deal, giving me advice, sharing coffee at Starbucks, and going for walks in our local park. I tell ya, it sure helps to have someone else along with you when you become a new mommy. Kind of like having a workout buddy. Strength in numbers, I say.

She told me that I'm not a bad mother because I forgot to buckle up Lancelot's car seat.

She taught me that nuclear explosive poos which are expelled out the back of the diaper and all over a baby's back are normal and are no reason to call the pediatrician.

She showed me how much babies love gadgets like the Rainforest Jumperoo.

Her little Flybaby and Lancelot are going to grow up to be great friends.



And most of all, she listened to me cry and moan when I thought I just couldn't handle this whole mommy thing, because she had been there, too, and assured me it would pass and that I would be a great mommy.

I don't know if I'm a great mommy, but the crying and moaning has indeed passed.

Hallelujah.

Monday, December 11, 2006

He's here!!



My little Lancelot arrived on Tuesday, November 28th at 6:21 p.m. He was 7 pounds and 14 ounces, and was 21 inches long.

Late Monday night, contractions started. The REAL ones. I decided to go to bed and get as much rest as I could, since I knew I had an ordeal ahead of me! Sleep never came, but I sat in my bathtub, listening to my "slow and sweet" mix on my mp3 player. I also went to the recliner, sat on my birth ball, all sorts of things. I called my doula at 1 am, and she talked me through some of the rougher contractions. I was able to calm myself down and get through a couple more hours.

6 am Tuesday morning, the water breaks. It's not running clear. Lancelot decided to pass meconium in utero, so we rush to the hospital. I was planning on having a water birth, but because of this particular complication, they have to keep me on a fetal heart monitor, so no tub for Guinevere!

7 am Tuesday morning, I'm settled into my room at the hospital. I'm pretty relaxed, considering I've already been in labor for quite some time. I have my husband, my mother, and my doula with me the whole time, and between the three of them, they keep me calm enough so that I don't ask for pain medication until 4 pm.

5 pm Tuesday evening, I've been pushing for 3 hours and little Lancelot is stuck tight. He's not moving down the birth canal. They decide to do a C-Section. While this is quite far from my original plan, I was totally relieved to know that in a matter of an hour or so, I would have my baby!

6 pm Tuesday evening, they take me to the O.R. They give me a spinal, and the pain of the past 18 hours MELTS away. (Had I known how good this was going to be, I SO would have asked for it earlier!! Natural birth, my a**. Ha!)

6:21, my little boy is born! Because of the meconium in the amniotic fluid, the neonatalogist has to see him right away, so I don't see my little baby immediately. Hubby does; he gets to cut the cord. He has our digital camera, so he snaps a picture of the little guy and brings it over to me while they start closing me up. Can you imagine? I see a photograph of my baby before I see the baby!!

About an hour later, they're done sewing me up and the spinal is wearing off. I go back to the recovery room where I get to hold my baby at last. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever looked at in my whole life. Until this moment, I had no idea what love was.

Tomorrow, Lancelot will be 2 weeks old! He is a very good baby, not terribly fussy, and sleeps like the dead. Yes, he wakes up every 2-3 hours for food and a poop, but other than that, nothing in the world will wake up this child unless he WANTS to be awake! This causes some problems, but I have to admit it's making the adjustment home much easier.

We're off to a doctor appointment now- a pediatric cardiologist- his pediatrician heard a heart murmur at his first well-baby checkup, and wants us to have it checked out. She assures us that it's quite normal in newborns to have this, but I'm still a little nervous!

Have a great day, everyone!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Random Acts of Kindness

While I often moan and groan about how rude people can be to pregnant women, I have often experienced random acts of kindness from strangers.

For example, I was walking across my college campus last week for the one class I'm taking this semester, and a young college-guy actually held open a door for me. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles! Usually when I trek across Acadamia, I seem to disappear-- which is odd, considering my increased size. Generally, the college campus is the one place I could count on NOT receiving rude comments, because the general population of a college tends to be frightened by the sight of a pregnant woman, as if I would somehow contaminate them. Anyhoo. For the first time all semester, a young man of which I have no acquaintance saw me and was kind enough to hold open not one but two doors for me! I was simply astounded.

Additionally, I have experienced increased empathy from the baggers at the local supermarket. I shop at Publix, which boasts that "Carryout is a Publix service." How nice. Before I became pregnant, rarely was there a time in which the bagger actually offered to assist me to my car. Now, however, even if I only have three bags, they are always so eager to carry them out for me! So of course I take advantage of it! (I only wish they could help me all the way to my apartment and up the flight of stairs, into my kitchen, and put them away too! lol!)

Another time, (again at the college campus,) I had to park a LOOOOONG way from the building entrance. A young woman saw me, smiled, and said, "They should have parking for expectant mothers up front!" That made me laugh. I thought of the store Babies R Us, which actually DOES-- next the handicapped parking spaces, there are two or three spaces with a sign designating them "Stork Parking: Expectant Mothers Only." I LOVE that! Every parking lot should offer such spaces.

*Smile* I am now 8 days away from my due date!! I'm trying my best to look back at my pregnancy and call up the happiest memories. I would much rather remember the kindnesses I have been shown than the rude comments and unpleasant physical aspects of pregnancy! If anyone wants to share their "happy pregnancy" stories, I'd love to hear them!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

When I can't think of a good post title, I'll just call it "Bob."

Pregnancy is just one amazing discovery after another of bizarre and wonderful things one's body is capable of doing.

For as long as I can remember, I have had oily skin. I suffered from wretched acne in high school, which calmed down as I grew up but never completely went away. Then, I became pregnant, and BAM! I looked like a 13-year old again. Gah.

Then came the second trimester. My skin cleared up beautifully, I had never had such a clear complexion. I was loving it!

Now, in the final weeks, my face has dried up and is cracking and peeling like the desert floor. If I squint when I look in the mirror, I can see tumbleweeds traveling across my face, and I hear the theme from Rawhide in my head. Also, my back is now covered in pimples. What on earth??!! Pimples on my BACK?

It seems to me that my body just can't decide which parts of it want to be oily and which parts want to be dry. Although I suppose if I'm going to have zits, I would much rather have them on my back where no one can see them.

Thankfully, I find myself amused by my body's antics. I only have a couple more weeks of weirdness, and then my body should return to its previous state. Hopefully!

In other news, my friend is coming over today to decorate our nursery. She is a professional interior decorator, and her baby gift to us is for her to come make a beautiful room for our little baby! I'm so excited. I'm going to go take a "before" picture, and when she's done I'll take an "after" picture and show the miracles she has wrought.

I hope everyone has a lovely day!

Friday, November 10, 2006

Dilation, Effacement, and The Waiting Game

It seems like I'm always hearing the Jeopardy! theme song in my head these days. I feel like I'm watching the grass grow, or the paint dry.

It's the Waiting Game. I am now just past 37 weeks, and according to my doctor, my cervix is beginning to open up and thin out (in other words, "dilation" and "effacement" have begun!) so things could get exciting any day now! Every time I have a Braxton-Hicks contraction, I'm willing it to be productive, to open things up a little bit more. (Or, to "dilate" and "efface" a little bit more! Don't you just love all the big medical words??!!) The Doc says the more work gets done through Braxton Hicks, the less I have to do while in labor-- and that sure sounds good to me!

Today, I haven't had many Braxton-Hicks. Pooie. Nothing getting accomplished down there today. (In other words, no dilation or effacement for me today!) I guess my cervix is taking a day off. How nice for my cervix. I suppose it's saving its strength for the next session of grueling dilation and effacement. It is resting up, preparing for its next feat of athletic endurance and prowess, as it completely changes from its current physical state.

Imagine what it must be like for the poor dear. For nine months, there it has been, closing off the uterus, protecting dear little Lancelot. Now, it is being asked to stretch far beyond its current shape and size, and on TOP of all that, to thin out a whole bunch, too! (How many of us can expand and thin out simultaneously??!! I sure can't! Kudos to cervixes everywhere! By the way- what IS the proper way to pluralize the word "cervix?")

Well, dear readers, I'm off to enjoy a lovely Italian dinner with some friends. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


ps- for any of you readers who are ALSO playing the waiting game, I'm sending wide-open, thinned-out cervix-y thoughts your way!!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Things to Smile About

Today I thought I would compose a list of things that have caused me to smile in these last few weeks. These are things that would not normally be spectacularly wonderful, but being 36 weeks pregnant, these things have become nearly miraculous. Enjoy!

1. Last night, I slept 4 1/2 hours straight without waking up to go to the bathroom.

2. I actually got through an evening at church without anyone commenting on the size of my belly.

3. Feeling giddy and excited from ordering a car seat base, as though I was actually ordering, say, a high definition television , or hundreds of dollars worth of my favorite candles.

4. Sugar-free ice cream

5. Laying in bed reading all afternoon while DH built shelves for the nursery.

6. Setting up a diaper-changing station in my bedroom. Again, it made me giddy. Why? Why should the equivalent of a toilet sitting out in my bedroom be a happy thing? Well, it was.

7. At my last doctor visit, I hadn't gained any weight from the previous visit. Yippee! (Although the previous visit was only a week before. In normal life, one generally wouldn't gain a lot of weight in only a week! lol!)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Heaven...I'm in Heaven...

Do y'all remember a little while ago when I was talking about my middle-of-the-night emotional breakdown? I begged my husband to have "a day off from being pregnant" remember? Well, today I got to do that.

I went for a pre-natal massage today.

'Nuff said.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Baby Shower !!!


Yesterday afternoon, my very most dearest friends in the whole wide world, Damselfly and Roo, threw me the most fantabulous, spectacular, incredible, marvelous baby shower that the world has ever seen. At this most fantastic event, there was no sniffing of baby food jars to determine what flavor of baby food was contained therein, nor was there measuring of my stomach with toilet paper. (Hallelujah!) Instead, my friends decorated onesies using fabric paint and markers, and we played "The Price is Right" with a number of baby items. (I LOVED "The Price is Right" when I was younger! I watched it all the time! lol!) Additionally, Roo made her famous Oatmeal Carmelitas (which are little pieces of heaven, I must say,) and Damselfly invented a brand-new ice cream flavor just for me with her ice cream maker. She created "Raspberry Mocha Latte Teddy Bear Ice Cream" and it was delish.

Here is a stunning photograph of the lovely Roo, Guinevere, and Damselfly. (Would you believe that Damselfly had a baby just 7 weeks ago??!! I hope I lose my baby weight as quickly as she has...)

I received many, many wonderful gifts at the shower, but more importantly than that, I was able to celebrate the coming of my little one with the women who are closest to me.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I Love You a Latte



(Photo from http://www.starbucks.com/business/default.asp.)


Confessional time.

I. Love. Starbucks. (By the way, who was the first person to put periods after individual words as a means of emphasis? It's SO grammatically incorrect, yet for some reason quite effective at putting a "tone of voice" into the written word.) Fabulous.

Anyway, back to my story. Starbucks, the mecca of caffeine-induced stupors of wonderfulness. Delectable beverages which require multiple words to order: "Grande Raspberry No Whip Mocha." Or, "Venti nonfat decaf cappucino."

Did you see the movie "You've Got Mail?" I love the scene where Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are discussing the way that ordering coffee gives one a "defining sense of self" due to the incredible number of decisions involved in ordering such a beverage. (One of my favorite movies, by the way. I think I'll curl up on the couch and watch it tonight while hubby has to take care of some work stuff this evening! Anyone want to join me?)

However, I am 35 weeks pregnant. When I walk into establishments such as Starbucks, people take one look at my belly and then gasp in horror. "She's going to kill that poor child!" Good gracious. While I understand that certain substances are in fact dangerous to the unborn child, really, how dangerous is one latte a week? I've heard that pregnant women can safely consume the equivalent of 2 cups of coffee per day without any bad effects. I am only consuming two cups of coffee a week at the most!

But really, when a woman is 35 weeks pregnant, waddling around and bumping into things with her belly, can barely get out of a chair without assistance, doesn't she deserve some pampering now and then? For me, a Grande Raspberry Mocha with no whipped cream is the perfect "comfort food." (I know, I know, it's not food, but it has the same effect!) At least it will be until the Christmas holidays come around and they bring back the Gingerbread Latte. (Yum-O.)

Plus, I think my little Lancelot likes a bit of coffee every now and then. The bouncing and jumping becomes quite pronounced as I approach my temple of caffeine. While consuming the divine beverage, things are still as the little one savors every sip. Then afterwards, he does a little jig in appreciation.

On the few occassions in which I indulge myself in caffeine, I can't help but look down at my protruding belly and say to the little one, "I love you a latte."

Saturday, October 21, 2006

A Strange Sight

I was taking a walk this afternoon along my canal. (I say "my canal" as if it belongs to me...lol!) As I strolled along the sidewalk, taking in the scent of the water and the sound of the birdsongs, I looked up and saw something strange.

Someone had hung a bird cage up in a palm tree. With a parakeet in it.

Isn't the purpose of a bird cage so that one can keep a bird in their home? This cage was hanging up very high, so whomever owned the cage would have to climb up on a ladder to put food and water in there.

I called my friend Damselfly, who is well versed in all things wildlife. She informed me that in our region, we have non-native birds that have made it into the local ecology, and that the powers that be have decided that if people can catch these birds, then it is perfectly legal for them to keep them as pets. I guess these birds are a threat to native plants and animals since they have no natural predators in the area or something. (I can't remember. Damselfly can tell you more about it!) Anyway, she put forth the suggestion that maybe someone hung up the cage there to lure one of these birds in an effort to catch it. And if that is the case, the cage ought to be gone tomorrow, since there was clearly a bird in there today. Or, she said, maybe they left the cage door open and the bird is free to come and go as he/she pleases. I would hope that one of her theories is correct, because how sad would it be for a bird to be trapped in a cage while it can see and hear all of its birdie relatives flying freely? That just seems downright cruel to me. Also, if someone is keeping their pet bird in a cage hanging from a tree outdoors, then the bird is at risk to predators-- racoons could come and get it, a snake could crawl up the tree and into the cage, all sorts of things. So I have made it my mission to check on this bird cage every day and see what's going on.

If something seems to be amiss after a few days, Damselfly knows someone I can call who will come rescue the bird. Hopefully, I can find out who the owner of this cage is and find out what's going on for myself.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

My Silent Symphony

To all of you pregnant women out there, or those of you who were recently pregnant, or EVER pregnant for that matter, did you ever have an emotional breakdown in the middle of the night? I did. Last night, 1 am. My little Lancelot was kicking me hard on the bladder, I couldn't maneuver my gargantuan body pillow to properly support all this extra weight, and hubby started snoring loudly. I started sobbing, right there in bed, and scared hubby to death. I started begging to "just have a day off from being pregnant."

Fortunately, I have the sweetest, most loving husband in the world. He held me, rocked me back and forth, and told me how much he loved me and how it was all going to be okay, and how sorry he was that I'm having such a hard time. After I calmed down, he also suggested that I go to get a prenatal massage from my doula, saying that it would be a way for me to at least have an afternoon off from being pregnant! Isn't he wonderful? (I'm going to call and schedule that today!)

Anyway, I eventually fell asleep, but awoke early this morning before the sun was up. I decided I would go ahead and get out of bed, make myself a cup of tea, and go sit on my balcony and watch the sun come up. I couldn't have done anything better for myself after the middle-of-the-night freakout.

I live at the back of an apartment complex, and am so fortunate to have a lovely view of the canal running behind the complex. It's very private and quiet, and this morning it was just me, the water, the sky, and the birds as they awoke. Sipping my tea, I watched a spider spin an elaborate web and pondered its motives. There it was, working so hard to create something that I couldn't even see yet. Many people would have rushed over to break the web, but I didn't. I wanted to watch the spider create its work of art.

Without really noticing, I witnessed the sky turn from a dark blue to lavendar to pink, and finally to the lovely color of morning. I heard the song of the birds as they woke up and greeted each other. Ducks flew in and landed silently on the water, and meandered peacefully up and down the waterway, which they had to themselves for a few moments, for in a few short hours the waterway will be crowded with all kinds of wildlife.

It was the most peaceful I have felt in about 8 months. As though God Himself orchestrated this beautiful silent symphony for me, to comfort me in my distress of the dark of night. It was all for me. No one else was around. I saw the houses on the other side of the canal, some with lights on, some were still dark. But as for the sunrise, it was mine and mine alone and I will cherish it always.

My own silent symphony.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Of Doctors and Test Results

I find it amazing how two doctors can look at the same test results and come up with two different ideas.

Awhile back I posted about the possibility of me having gestational diabetes. Well, the results came back and Doctor #1 said that I was free and clear, but just to be safe, I should "watch my carbs."

I went back today for my next appointment, and this time I saw Doctor #2 (who will most likely be on call in the event Doctor #1 is unable to attend my child's birth.) She reviewed the same test results, and had a little freak-out on me!! Apparantly, the way the 3-hour glucose works is they take your blood three times, and if you have "elevated levels" two of the three times, then you are diabetic. I had elevated levels on the first draw, but the second and third were fine. HOWEVER, the second draw I was only 3 points below "elevated," and I apparantly had sugar in the urine sample I left just before going in to the exam room. So Doctor #1 doesn't seem terribly worried, but Doctor #2 wants me to completely eliminate sugar from my diet.

My question is this: where does the truth lie? Is Doctor #1 right, or is Doctor #2? Or is it somewhere in the middle? After my appointment with Doctor #1 when she said I was not diabetic, I went home relieved, and drank sodas to my little heart's content. Now I'm being told to radically change my diet, based on the same test results!! Why so much confusion? What's a preggo to do?

Argh.

I'm off to drink a diet coke. Blech.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Let the Nesting Begin!

It's official. I've hit the milestone. The countdown to The Big Day has begun.

I have begun nesting. There's only so much I can do in the nursery itself, as the baby showers have yet to happen, but little by little, piece by piece, things are coming together. I've sorted through all the things I've been given from friends with older children and bits and pieces I've picked up at yard sales. I've washed the fabric covers for the bouncy seat and swing, and also washed the bassinet sheets.

I've been scouring eBay for products I still need. I received my first order of Bumkins cloth diapers, and I giggled like a little girl opening a Christmas present. Over diapers. Something that is going to be filled with human feces, and I was thrilled by the very idea!

I look around the house and see all these projects that need to be done before young Lancelot arrives: we need to replace the drawer pulls on the dresser and fix the drawer that doesn't want to slide out, we need to build some shelves in the laundry room to double as a pantry so I can use the hall closet for all the stuff that's currently filling up the nursery, (thanks to the geniuses who designed this apartment complex-- there's plenty of closet space, but unfortunately none are convenient to the kitchen to serve as a pantry. Right now, one set of cabinets and a section of countertop is being used for the pantry, as are two shelves in the hall closet, which is nowhere near the kitchen. Argh.) all the empty boxes from our recent move need to be taken to the dumpster instead of staying piled up in the corner, and we need to figure out where on earth to display DH's collection of lego stuff- he's got a pirate ship, a ferrari, and tons of Star Wars stuff that he's built, and it's all sitting in cardboard boxes...in the nursery.

The baby clothes that I do have need to be washed and folded and placed in the dresser which is in the garage, waiting for new drawer pulls and a repaired drawer, which we can't bring upstairs until we clear out all the stuff that's currently in the nursery, which can't be moved until I make space in the hall closet because it's doubling as a pantry, which can't be emptied until the new shelves are built in the laundry room (which IS close to the kitchen). Oy. I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

I'm envious of these moms who have everything together. They have their nursery ready by the beginning of the third trimester, their freezers are full of casseroles and other delectable goodies that can be re-heated so mom doesn't have to cook right away after the baby arrives, everything the baby needs has been purchased, cleaned, put away, and is ready for use.

On second thought, does anyone ACTUALLY do that? If any of you meet the above criteria, please teach me your secrets!!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Seclusion


(photo from Ads of the World.)

I think I understand now why women in days of yore went into seclusion when they found out they were pregnant.

It was so they would not have to answer stupid questions, and endure the ridiculous comments of the blissfully ignorant.

I say "blissfully ignorant" because to the one who is ignorant, it is blissful to be so. However, to the person upon which the blissfully ignorant chooses to bestow his or her blissful ignorance, it is not so blissful.

I really hope you understand that last sentence because I can't think of any other way to explain it.

These blissfully ignorant souls really have no idea how much damage they are inflicting upon the mother-to-be. Bless their little hearts, they don't mean to be insulting and/or aggravating. They just can't help it because they haven't been there yet. Or they HAVE been there, but it's been such a long time, that they have forgotten.

Here is an example of a recent (ACTUAL) conversation with someone of the blissfully-ignorant persuasion. This is a person I had never previously met, but found myself working with in a volunteer effort at my church.

Blissfully Ignorant: "Wow, you look REALLY pregnant! How pregnant are you?"

Guinevere Meadow: "I'm 31 weeks pregnant."

B.I. "What does that mean?"

G.M. (thinking to herself, it means I've been pregnant for 31 weeks, you twit.) "It means I have 9 weeks to go because 40 weeks is considered full-term."

B.I. "So when are you due?"

G.M. (Duhhh...if I have 9 weeks to go, then it must be sometime near the end of November. I guess B.I. just really can't do math.) November 29th.

B.I. "Are you SURE?"

G.M. (No, I'm not sure, as it goes. You see, my doctor is a complete quack and doesn't know how to calculate due dates. I've had three sonograms and about 15 bajillion office visits, and STILL she can't tell when the baby's coming.) Yes, I'm sure.

B.I. "Wow, it looks like you're having twins. Are you?"

G.M. (I don't think I'll EVER get tired of that question.) No, there's just one baby in there!

B.I. "Are you SURE?"

G.M. (Again, my doctor's a total quack. Three sonograms and 15 bajillion office visits have not yet confirmed how many people are currently residing in my uterus.) Yes, I'm sure. By the way, that's really a rude question.

G.M. leaves the room so as not to perpetuate any further sarcasm and to prevent B.I. from further embarassment.

End scene.

This is a conversation I have had with multiple people, most of which are people who do not know me well. (These are the same people who feel obligated to come up and rub my tummy. Why? I just don't get it. When did it become socially acceptable to put your hands on a person that you don't REALLY know all that well? Sigh.) I came home that day disgruntled with people in general, and decided I wanted to go somewhere where there were no people.

So I went to a scrapbooking workshop with some people I didn't know, and went to watch my husband's softball game afterward, among lots of people, some of whom I knew and some of whom I didn't. Thankfully, everyone I encountered that evening was very respectful of boundaries. The women I met at the scrapbooking workshop were all women who had given birth, so they knew better than to ask me if I was having twins. I was able to tell them about the conversation with B.I. and laugh about it with them.

It was balm to my soul.

I guess I don't totally want to be away from people. I just want to be away from the blissfully ignorant.



Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Longing

I had a moment this morning.

There I was, standing in my closet, gazing upon my wardrobe choices for the day.

To my consternation, my eyes wandered off to the far left, which is where my non-maternity clothes are lying in waiting. Today they started taunting me.

"You can't wear me today!!" "There's NO WAY I'll fit over that huge belly of yours!" "You only WISH I still fit you! HA!" "It'll be MONTHS after you have the baby before you'll ever wear ME again!"

My eyes brimmed over with tears. How could my old friends tease me like this? Because that's how I think of them. They're my old friends. I miss them terribly. I look at them with longing, promising them that it won't be long before we're sharing our days together again, and now they turn on me like this! It's horrible. Such betrayal.

I think I'll burn all of them and start over. That'll teach 'em.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Need a laugh?




This post has nothing to do with my pregnancy. I received this e-mail from a friend, and it made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it with you. Enjoy!

-Guin

*******************

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a
garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the garden for me.

Love, Papa



A few days later he received a letter from his son.



Dear Papa,

I'd do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I
buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie



At 4 AM the next morning, the FBI and local police arrived and dug up the
entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his
son.



Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under
the circumstances.

Love, Vinnie

Friday, September 29, 2006

You're getting sleeeepy.....very, very sleeeeepy


I'm trying something that may be considered "radical." Others may say it's satanic, New Agey, sacreligious, blah blah blah.

I'm going to use self-hypnosis when I go into labor with my little Lancelot.

Yes, that's right. I'm a Christian, and I'm going to try hypnosis.

Not the kind where someone waves a stopwatch in your face and tells you how sleepy you are becoming. It's more like a series of relaxation techniques. From what I have learned (and I will post URLs of the websites where I found such information,) when the body is scared, it releases a hormone called "catecholamines." This is the fight-or-flight hormone, and many women experience this in large doses when they go into labor because of societal expectations of what birthing a baby means. However, a woman who is relaxed will produce endorphins, the "pleasure hormone." Apparantly catecholamines and endorphins cannot co-exist, so if a woman is able to relax herself, while she is in labor the endorphins will take over. Not that she won't feel any pain, but she won't have the fear and anxiety which can amplify the feeling of pain and lead to a host of what would otherwise be medically unnecessary interventions, which is what I am hoping to avoid.

I have found a wonderful program called "HypBirth" which has a series of 4 CDs that women listen to in preparation for labor and birth. (Thanks, Damselfly!) Each CD has a "deepening" section, in which the hypnosis provides visualizations to help you relax. The next section teaches you techniques for use in labor, also usually visualizations to help the time pass, or to release fear that you HAVE developed, or to "drain away" the discomfort that has built up. Finally, each CD has a final section of "good birth words" that the woman listens to, in which the hypnotist tells the woman how natural childbirth is, how her body naturally knows what to do, etc etc etc.

I have known people who have tried programs like these, and in some cases they work and in some cases they don't. So I don't have unrealistic expectations that I will arrive at the hospital calm, cool, and collected. I could very well freak out totally and forget everything I have learned. But even if that happens, I have been able to call upon the relaxtion techniques I have learned so far in countless other situations, from helping myself fall asleep on a restless night to being able to relax when I'm having blood drawn (which used to cause me to lose consciousness. Now I barely flinch.) Therefore, this has not been a waste if I find the techniques not helpful during labor. On the other hand, it may work like a charm! I'll just have to wait and see.

I haven't told my family about this yet. I'm afraid they'll think I've turned into some kind of heathen. They wouldn't understand. I had a hard time explaining to them why I needed a doula, and when I mentioned I wanted waterbirth, they just stared at me like I was crazy. They're being supportive of me, because they love me, but I can tell they're not totally thrilled with my decisions. I just don't want to deal with having to explain why I'm going to bring in CDs listening to a woman tell me to "imagine a pitcher of warm, liquid light flowing in through your toes, up and around your knees, into your thighs, relaxing, releasing..." and they'd REALLY lose it if they heard the part about imagining a circle of powerful women, and as my cervix opens, another woman comes into the circle making it larger and more powerful. Gack. I'd just rather avoid that conversation altogether. And if they were to SEE me in labor, doing my "finger drop" technique in which I first look at my finger, then drop my hand and my whole body goes loose and limp, heavens above, Lawd-Almighty, Guinevere's going STRAIGHT TO HELL! (Not that they would actually SAY that. I'm sure I'm exaggerating a little bit, but I'm sure I would get some little snippet of the "You're giving Satan a foothold into your life" bit. Before you know it, Guin, you'll be watching Harry Potter movies!)

Don't get me wrong. I adore my family. I am quite fortunate to have the family that I have. I've never met more loving, caring, considerate people in all my life-- however, some of my ideas are a little more radical than theirs-- not completely off the charts, and they wouldn't disown me or make me feel bad or anything, they just simply wouldn't understand and in their love for me would try to convince me to do something else. They've never stopped me from doing anything, but they always make their opinion known. I understand this is a very parental thing to do, and I'm sure I'll do the same with my little Lancelot when he grows up and begins attacking the world for himself.

But for now, there are just some things that are better left unsaid.



As promised, here are the websites about hypnobirthing for anyone who is interested, or wants to check my information.

HypBirth
Natural Childbirth: Hypnobirthing

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Yipes!! 9 weeks to go!!!!

I am now 31 weeks pregnant. That means I have 9 weeks to go. A little over two months, unless the baby comes early.

10 weeks. There's something scary about that, and exciting at the same time. On the one hand, I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I can't WAIT to get this child out of my body and hold him in my arms. On the other hand, 9 weeks??!!! In 9 short weeks I'll be holding a baby in my arms?? How is that possible? I often still feel like a kid myself!

My best friend Damselfly recently gave birth to her own little flybaby, and I remember her telling me what I have just written here when SHE had 10 weeks to go. Now she's had her baby for almost a month!! Amazing. Time is a strange thing.

As each day passes, the reality of what is about to happen hits me harder and harder. On the weekend, DH put our crib together. My baby shower invitations were sent out by friends Damselfly and Roo. Friends at my church are starting up a pool to determine when I'll actually give birth. As my belly gets bigger, walking becomes more of a challenge. As I walk to my classes on my college campus, I see these little college kids zip by me like they're running from a fire or something. (Was there really a time I could walk that quickly??) I also see them scrutinizing my belly and scowling, as if they've never seen a pregnant woman before, or that because I'm pregnant I don't belong on a college campus. These kids have so much to learn. Being pregnant has made me feel so much older and wiser than my academic counterparts. Poor kids. They'll find out soon enough!

I've also started growing a backbone! Yay! Among my circle of friends (the same circle that's starting the pool and choosing a name of the week for this child, ) is a well-meaning gentleman who likes to pat my stomach every time he sees me. Only his version of "patting" is more like grabbing my stomach and shaking it like a maraca. Normally, I don't mind when my friends pat my tummy, as long as they do it gently. This guy just has no clue. So finally, I just came out and said "Please don't do that. I don't like it when people touch my stomach." I wanted to cheer for myself!! Prior to this, I had just kept quiet about it, although it grated at me every time.

I will be thrilled when this little one arrives in 9 weeks. It will be nice to have my hormones somewhat under control (I know that'll take awhile,) but much more importantly because I'll be able to see, hold, and talk to my baby! I can't wait for him to arrive.

Friday, September 15, 2006

A teeny-tiny wrinkle in my plans

Gestational. Diabetes.

That's the possible prognosis. I failed the one-hour glucose test, so now I get to go do the three-hour test. Yippee. Hooray. Joyful. (By the way, I'm anemic, too. Why couldn't they have found this out sooner, like when they took 5 gallons of blood from me at my very first visit??!! No wonder I've been so d*** exhausted for the past 6 months! Arghhh!)

My grandparents are diabetic. My mom had gestational diabetes when she was pregnant with my sister, and every so often I can just tell when my blood sugar is low or out-of-whack. Never bad enough to require a doctor visit, but folks, this tells me that there's a pretty darn-good-tootin' chance that I indeed have gestational diabetes.

I know that of all pregnancy complications, that GD is fairly common and the most easily treated and really isn't a big deal. But I'm still freaking out a little bit! See, I have all these hopes for a nice, natural childbirth free of monitors and IV lines, and I'm afraid that if I have this complication, that will be immediately taken away from me. I'm such a wuss. I realize that if there is a problem, it's in my best interest to be hooked up to all of that techno-stuff. I'm also afraid I won't be able to have a waterbirth, because again, if I'm hooked up to monitors and computers, the last place they'll want me will be in a tub full of water!

My doctor's office just told me that I should avoid sugars and carbs until gestational diabetes is ruled out. It doesn't help that I just finished drinking a chocolate milk shake right before I got the phone call!!

I know I just need to chill out. I can't do anything at all until Monday, anyway, so for now I'll just watch what I eat and take some extra iron.

I guess my husband will have to finish off my Starbucks Latte-flavored ice cream.

Sigh.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

2 down, 1 to go!

Have I ever told you that my husband and I play in a band together? We do. We play in a contemporary Christian band that provides music for the Saturday night church service at our local church. We have so much fun. He plays guitar and I'm one of three vocalists. I am also one of three pregnant women in the band!! Well, actually, I'm the last one! Our drummer's wife was pregnant and had her baby in July, one of the other vocalists had her baby last week, and I'm the last one!It was fun for awhile, the three of us would get together and compare bellies.

All three of us are having/have had boys! I was sure that one of us would have a girl, but we've got a bunch of boys! People at our church make jokes that if you want to become pregnant, just join the Saturday night band! When they make comments like that, I reply with, "Well, we needed more musicians, so we decided to make some of our own!"

Our pastors like to joke too. The name of our band is "Renanah," which is the Hebrew word that basically means "singing with praise." Our pastors have decided to change the meaning of "Renanah" to "Great with child." LOL!

So I'm the last of our happy little trio! It's kind of sad. It was fun sharing the joys of pregnancy with my good friends, but soon enough I shall be sharing the joys of motherhood with them.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Pickles and Ice Cream


I want to know who the first person was to suggest that pregnant women often crave pickles and ice cream. Early in my pregnancy when I would talk to friends, the first question they always asked me was, "Have you craved anything weird yet, like pickles and ice cream?" For some reason, every single person came up with that particular combination. What's more, they did it independently of each other!! No one suggested pickles and key lime pie, or ice cream with salad dressing. Every single person thought that the ideal pregnancy food was pickles and ice cream. Why??

I wonder, was there some famous movie where a pregnant woman came up with pickles and ice cream? Is there something intrinsic about our culture in which the combination of pickles and ice cream becomes a logical cuisine choice for the pregnant woman? In Italy, for example, would they put marinara sauce over tiramasu? Do pregnant French woman desire to drizzle onion soup over their chocolate mousse? Or is there something universal about pickles and ice cream?

This is a mystery that I intend to get to the bottom of. If anyone has any clues, please let me know.




p.s. The weirdest thing I have craved was ice cream and potato chips. For the briefest, and I mean briefest of moments, I contemplated crushing the potato chips and using them as a topping for the ice cream, but then my common sense took over. So I ate a handful of potato chips, and then had a dish of ice cream.

It was delicious.

Unfortunatley, I was out of pickles.



***Note: out of curiosity, I googled the phrase "pickles and ice cream" and here is what I came up with. Enjoy.

1. Pickles and Ice Cream: Maternity Clothes

2.Baby Shower Invitation

3.Pickles and Ice Cream: a Father's Guide to Pregnancy

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Dreams and Wishes


Dreams are nothing more than wishes
And a wish is just a dream
You wish to come true....


That's from a song I like off the "You've Got Mail" soundtrack. I thought I would share some of my dreams and wishes with you in these wee hours of the morning, when my bonnie wee son is making his presence so very plainly known to me, keeping me from a sound sleep and preventing any kind of possible "dreams." (For some reason, this kid doesn't want me lying down right now. Sitting up is the only way to go! After I write this, I'm going to try to fall asleep in hubby's recliner. We'll see how that goes.)

On nights when I have slept soundly, I have had some interesting dreams indeed. Once, I dreamt that I was giving birth, and as the doctor held the baby up for me to see for the first time, the baby had my husband's face! His 33-year old face, with glasses and goatee. It was this infant's body with an adult's head. Then he grinned at me with the same grin my husband has and waved at me with one finger, the way my husband does. It was kind of cute, but weird at the same time.

Another time I had a dream that I was conversing intelligently with my infant son. There we were, changing his diaper, having a perfectly grown-up conversation about something serious and complicated, like politics and recycling.

I've had a number of baby dreams, and in only one of them did the baby behave like a normal baby. He was always talking, or walking, or doing something far more advanced than he should have been doing. Is this wishful thinking on my part to have a child who is highly skilled, or am I in denial that I will be parenting a child? Am I going to expect him to grow up too fast? Or am I just worrying too much about a silly dream?

Speaking of wishful thinking, as I lay in bed unable to sleep on nights such as these, I find myself imagining what life will be like with a child. I often feel that I am still a child myself, and I am overcome with this dreadful fear that I'm not ready. Other times, I am so excited and thrilled to be welcoming a child into the world. I find myself imagining my son at different ages. I see his first day of school, I see him playing catch with his daddy in the front yard, I see him learning to swim. Then he's an awkard teenager with pimples and greasy hair and is trying to get the cute girl across the street to go out with him, then he's the star football player at his high school. Before I know it, my unborn son is grown up and has a wife and child of his own, and I am a grandmother with lots of grandbabies running around the house at Christmastime. I love these little flights of fancy. My life as I know it is about to end, but a beautiful new season is about to begin. And as it is with the changing of seasons, we often mourn the passing of the wonderful time we have just had, but simultaneously welcome the incredible change that is about to take place.

Dreams and wishes. Wishes and dreams.



Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Best of Times and the Worst of Times


It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

If ever I write a book about my pregnancy, that is the sentence I will use to open the first chapter. What a roller-coaster this has been, and I'm only 6 months into it!

Yesterday I had my last monthly doctor's visit, and now I begin my twice-monthly (bi-monthly? bi-weekly? What is the correct term for "every other week"? Every fortnight? hehe...) visits. At one time in my recent past, having my arm poked with a needle for the purpose of removing my blood caused me to faint. (Literally. Smelling salts have been required on more than one occasion!) Now I don't so much as flinch. I just sit there, look up at the ceiling, make small talk with the nurse, and it's over.

So it's great that I've gotten over this fear....not so great that the REASON I've gotten over this fear is that half of my blood supply now resides in a lab somewhere!

As my stomach grows bigger, I discover that my center of gravity has changed and simple tasks like walking up stairs or trying to get around a dining room table are difficult tasks. I forget that my abdomen has enlarged, so when I try to walk past people in a narrow hallway, I bump into every single one of them. "I'm sorry, please excuse me, pardon me....OUT OF MY WAY! LADY WITH A BABY!!" The good thing about this change in my physiology is that in many other instances, I get out of doing certain things. For example, when recently painting in my new apartment (with pregnancy-friendly paint, of course,) my friend who travelled all the way from Tampa to help me refused to let me climb the ladder to paint at the top of the walls. This was very sweet of her. Not only because she was concerned for the well-being of me and my baby, but because she is afraid of heights and hates ladders.

So it's great that I have friends who are willing to put themselves into uncomfortable situations to protect me. Not so great that I need my friends to do that!

My husband has never been sweeter! He is so understanding and patient with me, God bless him! Although I must admit, he's had it fairly easy compared to some! (Says me...he might have a different opinion on that one!) The other day I was so exhausted I pretty much put myself on bed rest. I didn't do anything. He came home and was so sweet and gentle, and went and got dinner for us, and when he came home there was a beautiful rainbow outside and a spectacular sunset. Since we live on the second floor of our building, he got my camera and took a picture of it, so that I could see it without having to get out of bed and walk down the stairs! What a sweetheart!!

So it was not so great that I couldn't walk down the stairs to see a rainbow and a sunset, but it was fabulous that my husband was so wonderful to think of taking a digital picture of it so I wouldn't miss out.

I've got the best husband in the world.